im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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