exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I had to cum in my sink.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
