Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
