i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
