so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
