I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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