I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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