tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
