So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
