mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
