I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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