I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I wear drunk well.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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