I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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