I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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