I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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