No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
