Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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