So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
