I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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