so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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