Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
