I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
