Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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