It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
