I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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