i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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