I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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