I hate all girls vehemently.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
