The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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