I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
