i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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