I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
