She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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