okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
