If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
