just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
