Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
