I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
