So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
