Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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