I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
