just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
