So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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