Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
