Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
