What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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