4 words: hood of his car
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
