Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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