You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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