I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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