I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
