Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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