when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
