im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think I just sharted jello shots
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