You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
