dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This house was built for laser tag.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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