I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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