there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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