you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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