You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
