I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
