i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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