the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
