i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
