Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
